Chloe the Cure


So there’s this illness that women all over the world are catching. I mean, women with children catch it. Women without children catch it. It is, apparently, HIGHLY contagious. I’m not entirely sure if anyone else has found a way to innoculate themselves against Baby Fever, but my daughter, Chloe, is the PERFECT cure. I mean, seriously, one full day in her presence will clear up all of the symptoms of Baby Fever, regardless of how severe you’ve got it!

In all sincerity, there are plenty of women who want (more) children. There are also women who are desperately trying to conceive and aren’t being successful. This post is in no way trying to dissuade you from pursuing your dreams of parenthood or to poke fun at/belittle your desire for children.

That said, I don’t think that I’m capable of having Baby Fever. The baby could be the cutest baby on the planet. I will want to snuggle said baby. I will want to kiss said baby. And I will want to return said baby to their parents at the end of the day because Chloe is somehow the only proven immunization against Baby Fever.

I love her to death, and I still would like to have other childrn. In the future. The far future. The future where Chloe is a full time student in elementary school, completely potty trained, no longer a picky eater, more compliant, less demanding, and CONSIDERABLY more patient. So like… 10? Maybe? Hopefully…

Seriously, I see cute babies and I’m like, “Wow, cute baby! I miss when my baby was this small!” And people reply “I know! Doesn’t it make you want another?!” And I blink. Several times. Because maybe it’s rude to look at a parent and tell them that their baby is cute but it doesn’t make my ovaries tighten in awe and CRAVE having an infant of my own. I don’t know. For women with the Fever, that’s probably extremely offensive. It’s so true, though. So I smile and I politely say, “No, one is enough for me now.” But in my head, I’m yelling, “HAVE YOU MET CHLOE?! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!”

Honestly, Chloe isn’t that bad. She’s extremely smart and she’s agreeable… some days. She can be really affectionate and my heart melts when she yells out, “I love you so much!” She’s just two. She can be stubborn and bossy and cranky and irritable and difficult. Not because of who she is as a person (well, save for the stubbornness and maybe the bossiness), but because she’s two and she’s trying to test her limits. She also doesn’t know what it means to be a decent human being yet. She’s still learning. Some days, sharing is easy; other days it’s hard. Some days, she uses her manners; other days, she yells “GO AWAY!”. Some days, I miss her when she’s asleep; other days, bedtime can’t come soon enough!

So all of that, plus the neediness of an infant (Chloe is surprisingly-and thankfully-really self-sufficient) as well as the sleep deprivity that accompanies (at least) the first four months… I’d lose my mind.

I’m sorry, friends of new babies. I think your baby is really cute. I love your baby. I want to snuggle with them all day. But they are not cute enough to infect me with Baby Fever. Because, thanks to the wild little one of my own, I’m immunized, at least, for the next 5-30 years!

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